Category Archives: LJ

Optical Illusion

By | |
18 Comments

dean13 sent around this link to a Very Cool optical illusion. I did it several times to see if it would affect the sequence, speed, or pattern of the illusion for me. (It didn’t.) And for my last “trial,” I kept watching for a while after all the pink dots had disappeared. My results:

1. The moving pink dot goes green very quickly, within a second or two of focusing on the black cross. I then see a green dot cycling clockwise through a circle of pink dots.
2. The pink dots disappear rapidly afterward, usually as the “green” dot sweeps over them. They go in swatches or clumps–several at a time in sequence. That is, the “green” dot swipes some off in one circuit, then another in the next, until they’re all gone. I do, occasionally, have some just fade out, without having been swept over by the green dot, but again it’s not individual dots but several in a sequence.
3. A green dot remains, circling in clockwork fashion.

After my last, longer trial, the pink dots fade in and out, also in swatches. They tend to be fainter than they were originally. I did get a return of the whole pink circle with the green dot circling them briefly, but they quickly got “wiped” out again.

dude_the, who is dyslexic and has some eye musculature wonkiness, had a different effect from the illusion; he had a harder time in general getting the pink dots to disappear. I’m really curious if and how the pattern of the dots disappearing across individuals correlates to reading strategy and speed. Also whether the illusion would manifest differently for an autistic person.

   


Writing Stuff

Okay, I recently broke down and made a foray into the hullabaloo which is MySpace.com (user name “eugiefoster”). I found and friended some of y’all, but for those of you I didn’t, I’d love it if you could give me a myspace hello. (Although I’m still not sure what the fuss is all about.)

And while I’m pimping, buy the shiny new magazine:

New Words/Editing:
– 1600 on the freelance gig, an editing pass on the whole shebang, and off it went. Now I really need to get back to work on the various and sundry fiction projects I’ve got on my plate.

Club 100 For Writers
      21

500/day
      34

Da Vinci Code blows goat chunks

By | |
26 Comments

Wingstubs are better after a few days of enforced downtime. Amazing how that works. Had a lovely chat over coffee with yukinooruoni yesterday, and fosteronfilm and I went to an advance screening of The Da Vinci Code on Thursday.

The Da Vinci Code: Wow, did that suck. It sucked on a fundamental story level which made me go “this is what’s been sparking all the controversy, death threats, and hunger strikes? THIS??” As a couple caveats, no, I haven’t read the book (and it has now tumbled off those titles I’ve earmarked as “to read” and onto the blacklist of “I’d rather read the OED from A to Z”) and we sat too close to the screen which resulted in pronounced feelings of nausea/motion sickness from all the jerky camera movement. I think fosteronfilm enjoyed it marginally better than I did; he had the advantage of not being nauseous through most of the movie. But he and I are in agreement on the figurative it-was-pukeworthy elements.

Tom Hanks was particularly uninspiring in the lead role, the movie pulled any punches it might have been able to level at the Catholic church or religion in general, the story was chock full of plot devices and deus ex machinae, the big, shocking reveal was lame to the lamest power (Dogma did it way better and far more entertainingly) and the ending went on and on and on. Also, the jerky camera technique, in addition to making me physically ill, also made me want to shout at the cinematographer “pull back you ninny!” The action was too close and too fragmented, so it wasn’t even an enjoyable suspense/thriller/adventure flick.

In short, the movie blew goat chunks.

Don’t waste your money on this one, folks. Rent or re-watch Dogma instead.

   


Writing Stuff

Mega congrats go to wistling for taking second place in last quarter’s Writers of the Future contest! Woohoo! *flings confetti*

New Words:
– 1500 on a new freelance gig. $$$

Club 100 For Writers
      20

500/day
      33

Wingstubs and Sister of the Hedge

By | |
13 Comments

Wingstubs were a searing ache all of yesterday. Realized that at some point I’ve got to let them rest. Figured it was better for me to choose my downtime rather than have my wingstubs decide for me. So I took a Tramadol and curled up with June’s Realms of Fantasy, Journey to the West, and a skunk.

dsnight‘s story in RoF, “Sister of the Hedge,” blew me away. It’s a dark re-examination of the Sleeping Beauty fairy tale, told via the POV of adjacent characters. Aurora, Prince Charming, and the fairies et al. are only seen through the lens of legend and superstition. This story illustrates both the best and worst aspects of religion, and combines it with some really chilling imagery. It’s exactly the sort of nouveau-classic fairy tale story that I absolutely adore. Fresh, thoughtful, and lushly told. Go. Read.

I should have some more enforced wingstub rest periods this weekend, which I hope will help. fosteronfilm and I are going to an advance screening of The Da Vinci Code tonight, yukinooruoni and I are having brunch tomorrow, and dire_epiphany is taking us to the opera to see Tosca on Sunday.

See? I’m getting out more.

   


Writing Stuff

My guest blogger post at A Writer’s Vanity, “Stuffing My Eyes with Wonder or Why I Write,” is up.

New Words:
– 200 on the YA novel. Then it just hurt too much. Decided to do the non-chronological writing thing and am hopping scenes. Hoping I won’t have to dump too many of them.

Received:
– Payment from Writing-World.com for my “10 Myths About Writing for Kids” article. Also, the editor sez she’ll probably publish this one in July.
– Payment from my researching freelance gig. Yay, money!
– Email from Surreal informing me that my manuscript is being returned unread because they’re closed to submission right now. Thank you, please come again. Doh!

Club 100 For Writers
      19

Casanova and Mirrorstone

By | |
31 Comments

Watched Casanova last night. Heath Ledger did a reasonable job as the lead, but I would’ve liked the most notorious hedonist and lady’s man in history, “the world’s greatest lover,” to smolder and sizzle, and instead he was essentially a flirty playboy. Then again, it was a Touchstone movie; there wasn’t even any blood in the sword fight scenes. Admittedly, it’s a bit unrealistic to expect Disney to do sizzle.

I was very amused to see Oliver Platt in it, cast in the exact opposite role that he played in Dangerous Beauty, another movie (the superior one) set in Venice during the same time period.

Apparently, Casanova flopped in the theater, which I think is a shame. It was a fun romantic comedy with lushly beautiful costumes and cinematography. Shot completely on location in Venice, it did a fine job of capturing the magic and romance of the City of Canals.

One day, I’d like to see Venice. Right after Paris.
   


Writing Stuff

It’s public now (and it seems it was mentioned in Locus too), so I can finally squee about this! The Frog Princess story I wrote last November, “Princess Bufo marinus, I Call Her Amy,” was for mroctober, who is editing a fantasy anthology aimed at teen girls published by Mirrorstone Books!

Mirrorstone is the YA imprint owned by Wizards of the Coast/Hasbro (ex-TSR) and its titles are in every chain store in America. The final ToC needs to be approved by the Mirrorstone folks, and my froggie tale is not guaranteed passing muster, but mroctober (who is a fount of keenly discriminating judgement and brilliant taste) liked it and wants it, so I maintain high hopes. *squee squee squee!*

New Words:
– 750 on my guest blogger post for A Writer’s Vanity. It’s not up yet, but I assume Jason’ll post it later today.

[Edit: It’s up, it’s up! Clickie HERE.]

– 200 on the YA novel, and I’m already dissatisfied with it. I think the opening needs more of a kick. Pondering. Ponder ponder. Also been thinking about trying to resume work on A Harmony of Foxes.

Club 100 For Writers
      18

500/day
      32

Rufus Sewell-athon

By | |
18 Comments

At the recommendation of grendel317 and dream_wind, I added Cold Comfort Farm to our Netflix queue. fosteronfilm was dubious as apparently he’d seen the 1968 version and it had traumatized him as a wee boy. “Orphaned girl goes to live with scary relatives!” he cautioned. But I knew y’all wouldn’t point me at a dreary and depressing tale.

And my faith was not misplaced. I loved Cold Comfort Farm! Quirky and funny, and yes, Rufus Sewell was uber hawt. I drool in his general direction. I had some trouble with the accents, occasionally squinting at the screen (because that helps, ffft) when I couldn’t parse the dialogue and then turning to Matthew with a “what’d he say?” ‘Course Matthew is worse at accents than I am, but that’s the virtue of DVDs: pause and re-playable. And, of course, Kate Beckinsale was adorable. I highly recommend it, and gobs of thanks to grendel317 and dream_wind for the suggestion.

Craving more Rufus Sewell, we then got out Dark City to re-watch. That’s simply an excellent SF-noir movie. The voiceover is unfortunate (are there any good voiceovers?) as is the casting of Keifer Sutherland, but those negatives are more than adequately compensated for by Rufus Sewell (and his bare rump in the opening scene), Jennifer Connelley–who both sizzles in her torch song numbers and pulls off loving/scared/concerned wife with total credibility–and The Strangers, deliciously-dark-and disturbing bad guys. And really, the set, ambiance, and mood should be credited as characters too, since they’re as tangible and salient as the people in this film.

Rufus Sewell. Yum. Might be time to re-watch Dangerous Beauty. Matthew suggested I see She Creature, but I need more convincing.

   


Writing Stuff

I think I’ve come up with a topic/theme to blog about for my Writer’s Vanity guest blogger spot tomorrow: “Why I Write and the Sense of Wonder.” Just gotta squeeze all the thought fragments together and come up with a coherent bit of wordage. Whoa, didja see that hamster go? Erm, yeah.

New Words:
– 1300 on a new YA novel. Going to try this again. Meep. Just taking it one page sentence at a time.
– Been letting my backbrain dwell on where to take the picture book. This is harder than I expected, and I expected it would be pretty damn hard. Oof.

Received:
– Thumbs up on another query/pitch to Writing-World.com. Now I have to write the article.

Club 100 For Writers
      17

500/day
      31

Dragon*Con 2nd all-staff meeting and Celexa

By | |
25 Comments

The 2nd Dragon*Con all-staff meeting was yesterday whereupon I picked up a new reporter for the Daily Dragon, gabbed with a returning one, and socialized at length with fabu folks such as dire_epiphany, astralfire, sara1221, bevlovesbooks (and her eensy-bebe, Eleanor, who has teeny-tiny toes), and Dean-of-the-camera-but-no-LJ.

A huge hurray goes out to fingerman! Chairman Pat bequeathed upon him the coveted and shiny 15-year anniversary volunteer plaque. *flings confetti* A well earned and well deserved commendation.

Yesterday was a good day. I keep saying this, but I also keep forgetting, so apparently it merits repetition. I need to get out of the house more often. Working from home and flinging hamsters willy-nilly, I forget how much time I spend sequestered in the library, staring at my laptop. Getting out lets me unwind–flagrant introversion notwithstanding–and it also stokes my muse with fresh faces, real settings, and new experiences. I’m more productive after a few hours out and about than if I spent those hours nose-to-the-keyboard. And most importantly, I’m happier.

So yeah, on the heels of that not-so-brilliant insight, and after feeling nauseous, light-headed, groggy-unto-death (I ended up having to take a nap yesterday as well as crashing after dinner), and tremor-ridden–after only a single day on the stuff–I’ve decided on the out-the-window option for the Celexa. Odds are the side effects would pass in a couple weeks, but I need these couple weeks. It will stress me out far more to be laid out by the sleepies or the queasies right now than any possible 6-8 weeks-down-the-road benefit. Scary-nurse-lady teetered my confidence, but I know I’ve got enough of a handle on my moods and emotions to determine when and if I need to be on psychotropics. And I don’t; I may again at some point down the road, but I can deal a-ok right now.

   


Writing Stuff

*Squee!* I’m on the short list for the Southeastern Science Fiction Award (SESFA) in the Best Short Story of 2005 category! Mega thanks to Jason Sizemore for having the brilliant acumen and stunning good taste to publish “Oranges, Lemons, and Thou Beside Me” in Apex Digest!

But err, I still don’t know what to blog about for my Writer’s Vanity guest blogger spot on Wednesday. Gleep.

Received:
– Contract from Paradox for “The Archer of the Sun and the Lady of the Moon.” Of course, as soon as I start fretting, it shows up. At least that’s one hamster nicely in orbit.

Writing update

By | |
7 Comments

Apex Digest editor Jason Sizemore dropped me a line letting me know my featured writer interview and story got “blinked” by Locus Online. To my knowledge, it’s my first blink. Locus deems me blink-worthy!

Received:
10-day form nyet from Farthing.

Not Received:
The contract from Paradox for “The Archer of the Sun and the Lady of the Moon.” Huh. I thought the editor was going to send it out last week. Meep?

You get what you pay for at the Pdoc’s

By | |
15 Comments

Went to see the pdoc nurse practitioner to get my Adderall refilled yesterday. When you go in for a meds checkup with the nurse, they have you fill out this checklisty form in the waiting room where they try to concise a DSM diagnosis into one-word categories–“mood,” “sleep,” “appetite,” “interest,” “anxiety,” etc.–with 1 to 10 (bad to good) rankings.

I’m thinking, okay, this is subjective, and surely she’ll ask me questions and we can discuss it if she has concerns. Because, y’know, that’s what a doctor would do. So I fill it out based on how I’ve been sleeping and stressing this last week, giving “sleep” a “3” since my circadian cycles have been wonky, and mood a “3” as well because I’ve been juggling too many hamsters. And I also put down a “4” for appetite because, well, I’m taking an amphetamine, and it’s an appetite-suppressant. (Which, by the way, is an excellent way to lose weight.)

When I go in, she informs me that “I’m not doing good,” which I thought was a wee bit presumptuous since she’s exchanged all of two, maybe three sentences with me. And she pushes hard for me to get back on an antidepressant. I ask her what she’s basing her assessment on, and she says the 3 I gave “mood.”

Okay, so nurse lady doesn’t subscribe to my “it’s subjective” interpretation and doesn’t realize that that 3 is a 3 for me across the board, and that my board has never been profoundly depressed or psychotic. I try to explain this to her and that I didn’t think “mood” was an effective descriptor for everything that encompasses a person’s mental state, and I’m not suicidal or homicidal, and I’m really not all that depressed either; I’m mostly cranky and stressed.

Her response? “You keep going like this and you’ll end up in the hospital.”

WTF? First of all, I was diagnosed with mild depression–not a hospitalization caliber ailment–and I feel tons better now than I did when I was diagnosed years ago. Second, how can she find it in the least bit appropriate to tell anyone, especially someone who may be feeling emotionally frail, that if they “keep going like this you’ll end up in the hospital” based solely upon a 1 to 10 scale of a one-word descriptor? This woman hasn’t spent fifteen minutes talking to me in the three months she’s been aware of my existence!

I tell her, “No, I really won’t.” And explain to her how hard it was to get off the Effexor and that I would rather not go back on an antidepressant.

She continues to push and suggests I try Celexa which is a “more pure” SSRI than Prozac and isn’t an SNRI.

I try to point out that it wouldn’t take effect for six or so weeks in any case (by which time I fully expect to have selected the hamsters I want to keep in the air, and to have volleyed the rest of them over the fence), and she interrupts me and says “two weeks.”

Huh. Okay, my grad. school Psychopharmacology class was a loooong time ago. Maybe they’ve made strides in the antidepressant field. Might be worth trying.

As I make speculative noises, she rattles on how I should “take this at night before bed.” Since I took the Prozac in the AM, and I don’t want to take something that will make me tired because that’s the whole reason I’m on the Adderall–fighting the fatigue and all–I ask her “so this will make me sleepy?” And she says “no, you just take it before bedtime and when you wake up you’ll feel better.”

Do you get that she was talking to and treating me like a refugee from the short school bus?

Yeah. By this time I’m annoyed, upset, indignant, and doubting myself. Maybe I should go back on an antidepressant. After all, I was dwelling upon it before, and I’m going through a lot right now. But mainly, I just want to get my stupid Adderall refill and leave. So I give her the go ahead on the Celexa.

She enters prescriptions for both meds into the computer and off I go to the pharmacy. But Adderall is a controlled med and requires a hard-copy script, which nurse-lady should have known. I’m forced to go back and wait 45 minutes to get a stupid piece of paper, ensuring that I get caught in rush hour traffic, making an already upset-Eugie extremely unhappy.

After languishing for over an hour in Atlanta’s lovely traffic, I got home and looked up Celexa online. Length of time until effective: 6-8 weeks. May cause drowsiness.

In addition to bullying and coercing me, she lied to me.

I’m obviously sympathetic to the mental health profession, having that MA in Psychology and all, but I’m feeling pretty mistreated by it right now. And I have to wonder, how exactly is the sort of conduct she displayed going to be of benefit to anyone’s mental state?

Because I have indeed been stressed to my eyeballs, I took the Celexa last night. When I woke up this morning, I was groggy and light-headed. And I feel a headache coming on. Oh yeah, so helpful.

Now I’m debating whether it’s worth staying on it, because I was, after all, contemplating going back on an antidepressant, or if I should just pitch the stupid pills out the window.

I’m trying to base my decision not on my experience in getting them, but my overall mental state.

Right now, the window’s looking pretty enticing.

Feh. And she wants to see me back in six weeks. I’d say “no way in hell” except my alternative is to follow-up with a doctor to get my Adderall refilled, which has a co-pay. Seeing her, at least, is free.

Juggling too many hamsters

By | |
40 Comments

Hamsters hamsters everywhere!

Between canadiansuzanne‘s son’s hamster, snarkydork_jodi‘s hamster, wicked_wish‘s posting of this adorable hamster-cupcake video, and my offhand comment likening writing fiction to washing dishes while juggling hamsters, I think the cosmos is trying to convey a hamster-illustrated message upon me. (I guess birds was too subtle.) And this metaphysical hamster-dispatch, I believe, is that I’ve got too many hamsters in the air.

Guess now would be a good time to revisit the whole “reinvention” thing. I’ve had friends who’ve “reinvented” themselves. Some have done it multiple times and afterwards they seem pretty much the same to me–maybe with a new wardrobe or new job or some-such, but fundamentally still them.

I’ve never properly understood the underlying motivation that prompts these episodes of self-overhaul. Even after major life changes–like our relocation to Georgia and the loss of my old day job–I didn’t feel like I was reinventing anything. It was the same old me, but in a new place doing different things.

I still don’t get it with regard to the nature of people and personalities, but I think I do understand the mindset and mood that drives it. Sort of. It’s a profound sense of discontent with the grounded and fundamental beliefs or assumptions about yourself, a dissatisfaction with deep underpinnings that require more than a few tweaks or a change in venue.

I’ve been feeling that way about my writing of late. With my frustration about obtaining the “next level,” and my desperation at ever breaking into the Big 3, I’m left with an overwhelming feeling of dissatisfaction–and dropped hamsters. Add onto that the glaring inability to make anything remotely like a decent living on short stories (who can survive on $.05/word??), and my failure at maintaining progress on my novels, and I’m left floundering in a big ole morass of reproachful hamsters at my feet.

After wrestling with that for a bit, I think I’ve come up with a solution: I need to put down some hamsters.

What does this mean on a non-abstract, “am I putting down this Siberian hamster or that Roborovskii hamster” level? I dunno, I’m still working on that. But I do know I’m feeling pretty fragmented and way over-stressed these days.

I want to make a living doing what I love, which is writing. That hasn’t changed, nor will it. But what I write, what I focus on, and where I concentrate my efforts, I think that needs a realign. I need to reorganize my priorities or I’m going to burn out. And if I burn out on writing, well, I may as well burn out on life.
   


Writing Stuff

New Words/Editing:
– 1600 on a freelance project. Several editing passes, polished, and sent off to the client. Payment received in less than 24 hours.
– 100 on the Swan Lake story. I shouldn’t have put it down the other day. I was on the verge of hitting flow, and now I seem to have lost my place. And there’s another hamster on the rug, dammit.

Published:
– basletum‘s interview of me for his “Give it Meaning” column.

Received:
– 9-day no grabbie from JJA at F&SF.

I think that might’ve been a dwarf hamster. Tossed him too high and now he’s quivering on top of a bookshelf.

Club 100 For Writers
      16

500/day
      30

Fairy portals sprouting in Michigan

By | |
29 Comments

dean13 sent along this link from NPR on wee fairy doors popping up in Ann Arbor, MI. I want one! Although I’m inclined to think there’s already one under Hobkin’s hutch . . .

[Edit: dean13 found the artist’s website: urban-fairies.com (*squee!*)]

   


Writing Stuff

New Words/Editing:
– 1000 on the middle-grade novel –> Picture book effort. Only halfway into the story and my word count limit’s just about up. Urp. Must cut and tighten. Daunted has become intimidated.

Received:
– Payment for my “When the Guidelines Say for Children 7 to 12” article. The editor said it’ll probably be published in June.
– Acceptance and contract for my “10 Myths About Writing for Kids” article from Writing-World.com.

And now I’m thinking I need to start seriously considering doing lots more nonfiction. Dwelling on trying my hand at writing nonfiction for kids. I think I’d be decent at it. And this whole query/pitch->green light->pay thing, where I know I’ll get paid before I write something, there’s definite appeal there.

Club 100 For Writers
      15

500/day
      29