Category Archives: Blog

Sunny Tuesday and Still Mood Issues

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Sleep was weird and wacky last night. Fell asleep on the couch at a ridiculously early hour–around 7PM–then woke up at around midnight. Matthew was putting on Resident Evil (a la NetFlix) and since I hadn’t seen it, I decided to put my glasses on, stay up, and watch it too. ‘Course, I’ve got a pronounced terror and aversion to shambling dead things. It’s the slow-moving scary things that get me for some reason. Leggy worms and zombies give me the screaming willies, but I’m dandy with snakes and vampires. So I watched about two-thirds of the movie, the beginning and the end, and took my glasses off and listened to the middle, zombie-laden third, periodically pestering Matthew with “So what’s happening now?” and “Who’s that screaming?” as I peered at the television with my egregiously myopic eyes. Blurriness is a good buffer against visual terror.

So now I’ve experienced Resident Evil sans the zombie portions. They captured the mood and feeling excellently–from what I saw. I really like the soundtrack and how well it meshed with the movie. I think Marilyn Manson should switch career gears and just do soundtracks.

I’m contemplating seeing Resident Evil 2, but somehow taking off my glasses (or covering my eyes) in the theater doesn’t seem right.

However, fun, escapist, adventure-horror flick notwithstanding, it means my sleep was fractured. I had a difficult time getting back to sleep after the movie, not because of the movie (since I had taken pains to immure myself from the Eugie-traumatizing bits), but because my brain wouldn’t shut down. Tossing, turning, miscellaneous limb repositioning. When I finally did fall asleep, it was a fitful slumber, chock full of weird dreams. Blah.

Facing another day of post dysfunctional sleep, I decided to aggressively self-medicate. Had a double-tall cup of coffee, a pot of green tea, and two Sudafeds. Result: pounding heart, sniffly nose, and the shakes. Mood: incessantly glum.

Stupid brain.



Writing Stuff:

Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine paid me for “Body and Soul Art.” Woohoo! Those Aussie folks run a high-quality production. I’m very pleased with my experience with them. Greatly looking forward to seeing “The Life and Times of Penguin” next year in their February issue.

Fantasy story progress: 300 new words. I think I wrote myself into a corner. Not sure how, as I had the whole damn plot outlined in my head. But the main character ended up in a different place, personality-wise, than I planned, and now I’m stymied.

While stewing about that, I revived an old story concept. One of my writers groups is having a Shelley story challenge, where we all try to write something for Halloween. This is a story I was mulling a couple Halloweens ago for a Samhain-themed anthology but never made much progress on. It’d be ideal for the Shelley challenge, assuming I finish it. Looking over my notes and my initial outline, I think I know why I stopped working on it. The plot looks like it’ll be longer than short story length. Might end up being a novelette, maybe longer. I think I got discouraged when I realized that. Now that I’ve actually completed a novella-length work, perhaps I’ll be able to see this project through. Or maybe I’ll write a couple thousand words and give up again.

Stormy Monday and Mood Issues

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This morning, driving into work, it was quite dark–a symptom of the various hurricane effects moving through the state. The air was soft and cool, but not cold. Walking from the parking lot to my car, I reveled in the sensuous nature of the wind on my face, streaking through my hair. I found myself dragging my feet, trying to prolong that brief walk for as long as I could. I knew that by the time I emerged from my office again, the air would have changed–become more oppressive or rainier–so the only opportunity I would have to savor that particular feel in the air was then. Throughout the morning, I prairie-dogged my head over my cubicle walls to glance with longing out the bank of windows that line the end of my aisle. Storms are pretty. It was hard sitting at my desk this morning.

I’m having mood issues. It’s like there’s two of me, the emotional part that I can feel in the center of my chest, all weepy and unhappy, and the intellectual part of me that acknowledges that I’m feeling free-floating blueness, and is both annoyed and flummoxed by it. My emotions are flying all over the spectrum with no causal factor to speak of. One moment, I get that heavy ache in my chest that makes me want to cry, and the next moment, I’m fine but troubled by the emotional teeter-totter I appear to be on.

I can’t blame the meds I’m on, particularly. I’m off the Prednisone at long last and just taking Imuran to control my Lupus/MCTD. The Imuran shouldn’t, as far as I’m aware, have mood side effects. So I guess it’s just me. I assume that my irregular sleep habits are playing a large role, but aside from trying to regiment my sleep better, there’s not a lot I can do about them. Matthew suggested that I start doing yoga regularly again, and I agree that that’s an excellent suggestion. But it’s something of a Catch 22. I feel morose, and hence I’m disinclined to engage in any sort of healthful activity.

I assume I’ll feel better in a couple weeks, as these episodes tend to be cyclic, but until then, I’m having a hard time maintaining motivation, much less positive energy levels.

Stupid brain.



Writing Stuff:

58-day rejection from Story Station. (Herein I make a ridiculously self-evident observation:) Rejection hits me a lot harder when I’m depressed.

I think it might be time to trunk this story. I’ll sit on it for a while, maybe give myself a chance to look it over again, but I suspect its expiration date has passed.

I’m now, for the first time in quite a while, under thirty works in circulation. This doesn’t trouble me. I know of writers who maintain a juggling act of 100+ works out to various markets, and I have no wish to compete with those numbers. The way I figure it, the fewer works I have out, the more I’ve sold, as long I’m still writing new ones. Plus, I’ve got several stories waiting on the sidelines for manuscripts to clear from the Cricket queue. But it did surprise me when I checked my figures. Guess that’s what happens when I make five sales in under a month. Hardly going to furrow my brow over that.

But I am struggling to sustain momentum on the new story I’m working on. 500 new words, and they were uniformly melancholy and did little to further the plot. Not impressive. I don’t think I’m at my writing best right now.

Much Ado and Fifth Element

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Went to the Shakespeare Tavern last night to see Much Ado About Nothing. Again, I’m awed by the excellent directing and interpretation these folks manage to pull off. It was the best Much Ado I’ve ever seen, and I’m a vociferous fan of the Kenneth Branagh movie version. I laughed so hard I got a side cramp.

I really needed that. Good fun.

Then came home and watched The Fifth Element courtesy NetFlix. It seems to be a movie that holds up better to repeat viewing. Chris Tucker’s character didn’t annoy me as much as the first time I saw the movie. And Milla Jovovich continues to be an orange-hued hottie.

Had weird dreams involving zombies which resulted in not-very-restful sleep. I’ve got a sort of jittery, red-eyed feeling going on. Not the most relaxing of weekends.

Also picked up my new glasses yesterday. My eyes are getting progressively worse. It’s such a relief being able to see clearly again, but I’m worried that I’ve needed a stronger prescription every year. Can’t write (or program) without my eyes. Wish there was a way to input and output information in a manner that didn’t cause eye strain.

Taking out a hit on Morpheus

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Yesterday I slept for nearly twelve hours. Last night, I couldn’t fall asleep, and then when I did, I promptly woke up a mere five and a half hours later. If averaged together, that’s two good night’s sleep, but it sure doesn’t feel anything remotely related to “good.”

Stupid dysfunctional circadian rhythms.


Writing Stuff:

Mailed off the signed contracts to Realms. Apparently, they pay “on acceptance” rather than “on publication,” which is totally sweet. I can expect a nice, fat check from them in the next couple months. That goes a long way to making up for their oftentimes lengthy response times, at least in my book. The contracts seemed to imply that both “The Storyteller’s Wife” and “Returning My Sister’s Face” would be in the Feb. 2005 issue. *blink* I wonder if that’s a typo. “Storyteller’s Wife” is a novelette and “Sister’s Face,” while still comfortably in “short story” range, isn’t exactly short clocking in at 6.3K.

Regardless, I’m thrilled that I’ll be between their covers so soon. Soon, of course, being defined relatively in this biz.

Forsaken by the caffeine god

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Slept nearly twelve hours straight last night. Good lord, I’m sleeping my life away. Been trying to cut down on the caffeine, but not at that price. Probably on a related note, I’m in a less-than-ecstatic state of mind, today. No reason, just brain blues. I thought a caffeine OD would be just what I needed to shake off the blahs, but I couldn’t seem to get enough in my system to have any sort of effect. I had a whole pot of green tea and two cups of coffee, and nothing. The caffeine god hath forsaken me! Wah!



Writing Stuff:

Finished my review of this week’s Sci-Fiction story and emailed it off to my editor.

Slogging through all the critiques of “The Tanuki-Kettle” and trying to write thank-you notes to everyone. I ended up with over fifty critiques. Zounds. Also did a couple critiques for various writers groups (including one for your offering at Critters this week, britzkrieg. It should be on its way if you haven’t gotten it yet.)

The fantasy story continues to develop. Did an overhaul on the opening and then managed about six-hundred more words. Not exactly an awe-inspiring accomplishment, but it’s progress.

And I’m reading my contrib copy of issue #14 of ASIM. My God, them Aussies can jam in a lot of fiction between those covers! So far, that’s been the highlight of my day.

(edit: I got my contracts from Realms of Fantasy in the mail. I’ve got a new highlight, especially as it appears that they’re paying me more than I had initially thought. I’m not quite sure what calculation they’re using, but I’m getting closer to $.06/word than $.05/word. Wooo!)

Middle of the week blah

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Watched the 30-second bunnies, Stuntcocks, and The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra last night. The Lost Skeleton was especially appreciated by Matthew’s college buddy, as he’s a Biology Professor. All the “science” jokes had him rolling with laughter. Rawr.



Writing Stuff:

Forty-eight critiques. Wow. Forty-eight. Gleep. The re-write’s almost done. I don’t think I can pare away too many more words. But I’m willing to let it sit for a month or so while I wait for something to clear out of the Cricket slush.

Started a new fantasy story. I don’t think I intend this one for children, although I’ve surprised myself before. About 1000 words so far. Doing some research on China’s Tang dynasty in order to get a good feel for the trapping of that era.

Also started writing my review of this week’s Sci-Fiction story. Having a hard time getting into both the review and the story–undoubtedly not coincidentally.

Language barriers and writing

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One of Matthew’s college buddies is staying with us overnight. He’s driving in from Kansas. His in-laws are flying in from China to the Atlanta airport tomorrow, and he needed a place to crash. The in-laws don’t speak any English, and he doesn’t speak Chinese–although I assume he’s picked up some in the years since he married his wife. His wife couldn’t come because they just had a baby.

I suspect there will be language acquisition happening during the drive back to Kansas. Or a lot of awkward silence.

Hobkin appeared to be repentant about last night’s behavior. He cuddled with me all night only waking up for his midnight snack, and then coming right back. Or maybe it’s the colder nights we’ve been having and he just wanted to get under the covers.



Writing Stuff:

Up to forty critiques. Gleep. And the butchery job continues. I’ve now hacked it down to a bit less than 2.8K words. I think it’s beginning to get threadbare. Going to wait for the last critiques to come in tomorrow, put the last tweaks on it, and then set it aside until there’s an opening in the submissions-to-Cricket queue.

Received my contrib copy of issue #14 of Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine with my novelette “Body and Soul Art” in it. The USPS was unkind. It’s whole, but decidedly battered around the corners. Sigh.

My review of Sci-Fiction novella, “Left of the Dial” by Paul Witcover, is up at Tangent. Hurray. But I’m back down to #5 on the Fantasy Bestseller list at Fictionwise. Fooie. Going the wrong way.

Skunks are not considerate bedfellows

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Hobkin was disinclined to sleep early this AM. And he was disinclined to let me sleep either. There was much walking over me, hopping up beside me and then immediately wanting down, and then when I didn’t move over for him, much pawing at my head. Not the best way to start off the week.



Writing Stuff:

Up to Thirty-two critiques on “The Tanuki-Kettle.” Yow. And it’s only Monday. Two more days to go. At this rate, I might top forty again. Can’t really run stats on that many so I’m rewriting as I go through the critiques. I’ve managed to hack it down to 2900 words, which is still 900 more than Cricket’s GL maximum. I’ve sold a story just shy of 2.5K to them before, so I hope they’ll cut me some slack, but I do realize it’s a lot of slack I’m asking for.

The next WotF quarter begins next month. With my two RoF sales, plus “Running on Two Legs” coming out in the next issue of The Third Alternative, I don’t think I can send anything to them anymore. *sniffle* The end of an era and a milestone. If I don’t win with the two entries they’ve currently got (for this quarter and last), it looks like that’s a feather I’ll never get to wear in my hat. Not holding my breath on either of the stories, so I’m pretty much resigning myself to the cold, hard fact that I don’t seem to write stories that are winners with them. They’ll throw me quarter- and semi-finalist bones, but I’m destined never to make the money round. Foo.

And my eBook of Ascendancy of Blood is now the #4 Fantasy Bestseller at Fictionwise! It’s preceded by two Terry Brooks eBooks, and one by Keith R.A. DeCandido! Yippee skipee!

Sky Captain, eye exam, and Cyberpunk article

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Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow: (this should be spoiler-free) There’s much good to be said about this. It was pretty, Jude Law has the sexiest voice, and I really liked the EFX. Unfortunately, I think Hollywood has given up on the concept of scriptwriters. I think their screenplays are written using wordplay refrigerator magnets. They toss them onto the ‘fridge, then however they splay out, they transpose to script–the monkey-with-typewriters path to Shakespeare.

Sky Captain was vacuous. I had major issues liking “Polly Perkins,” Gwyneth Paltrow’s character. Aside from her stereotypical “anything for the story” personality, I found her dishonest, which doesn’t work as “main romantic interest” for me. She was also a total wuss with anything that wasn’t reporter-related. On the other hand, I really liked Angelina Jolie’s character, “Franky”–strong and sexy. And I thought her eye patch was utterly hot. I also liked Bai Ling as the “mysterious woman,” but then I’ve liked her since I saw her in an episode of Angel. She didn’t have any lines, though. That’s probably just as well.

Despite the glaring faults of Sky Captain, I had fun. I had a lot of fun. It’s a beautiful movie, with seamless blue/green screen EFX. The iron men are wondrous to behold, as are the ornithopters. I’d definitely recommend it as an eye-candy, action-rific time with the caveat that it’s probably best to immerse totally in the scenery and not spend too much time paying attention to the script.

Went to the optometrist yesterday. $400 for the exam, a new supply of soft contact lenses, and new glasses. Ouch. There goes the money I’ll be getting for “The Storyteller’s Wife” from Realms of Fantasy.

My eyes are fine. Dry, but healthy. But they’ve gotten worse–which I’m not surprised by since I’ve stopped wearing my gas permeable lenses, and without them to stabilize my eyes, they’re reverting to their natural horrible state. She also dilated my eyes, which made it an interesting drive home. While I didn’t have any problems focusing on distant objects, I couldn’t read the clock on my dashboard. And even with my sunglasses on, I found it to be painfully bright outside. At least I really like my optometrist. She’s knowledgeable and informative, a good combination in a health professional. And the lenses she gave me to go home with let me see clearly again. I’ve been so frustrated at my blurry vision. It’s such a relief to be able to see well.


Writing Stuff:

After a query, I got a note from the editor of IROSF, John Frost. He wants me to do some rewriting/chopping on my Sub-Genre Spotlight on Cyberpunk article, but he wants it! Hurray!

Worked on the rewrite request last night. Got a few more tweaks to make, and then I’ll send it off.
(Edit: tweaks done, and emailed.)

I also queried LCRW, but still haven’t heard anything back.