Category Archives: LJ

My sleep cycles continue to be royally messed up.

Had nightmare after nightmare last night. I even cried out once, bringing Matthew rushing up to me to see if I was okay. And I remember many of them. I think I’d rather be dreaming of Geong Si Chinese zombies.

I’m not a big proponent of either Freud of Jung, but I also tend to believe that sometimes dreams are a good indicator of a psyche’s general state of being. For quite a long time, I didn’t dream, or I dreamed infrequently, and the dreams were pretty innocuous–surreal, Dada-esque settings and situations that were interesting but not all that troublesome, or the occasional bad dream, the roots of which were crystalline clear. Wasn’t undergoing much stressful at that time. Generally, things were pretty unexciting in waking and sleep.

This last bout of dreams were all about fear of going back. I dreamed I found out I had to return to my middle school (middle school of all things!) to finish two more hours that were listed as “incomplete.” No matter how much I protested that I’d graduated from college, had a fucking Master’s degree and everything, they still made me sit in that hell pit with some of the same evil cretins that populated it then. And then I was living back in my mother’s house. Or Matthew and I were living back in our old apartment in the Midwest. Etc. ad nauseum.

The theme was pretty consistent. Obviously I’m having some concerns about my future and I’m experiencing fears that I might be forced to go backward, and it scares me.

Great. So I’m not under enough stress during my waking hours, my subconscious wants to get involved?

So I’m awake and feeling not-terribly-rested. And unsettled. Stupid brain.

Brushed up the latest folk tale. Hell, I don’t know whether to call something a folk or a fairy tale anymore. I suspect prosewitch could give me a textbook definition . . .

Everything’s at first draft and ready to go up on Critters, and I’ve got a terrible backlog. My story inspired by Suzanne Vega’s “The Queen and the Soldier” is up this week, and behind it, I’ve got no fewer than four stories waiting to go in the queue. And no MPCs left. Need more MPCs. Guess that’s something for me to do this weekend.

Already at ten critiques of my current offering. No one except britzkrieg picked up on the religious symbolism. Dammit. My “Goddess Queen” is bleeding from wounds at her hands and from a sharp crown. I thought I was being ham fisted. Dammitdammitdammit. I don’t usually do this, but I think I might be wallowing in “it’s my art!” Too many folks just aren’t getting it. Obviously, I’m doing something wrong. But still, pfft.

Also, I’ve been researching Chinese afterlife/undead traditions and mythologies for a story concept. Nothing all that grisly or intense, but wouldn’t you know it, I had nightmares involving Chinese zombies, the Geong Si, last night.

So, 750 words on this new, nightmare-inducing story. Don’t know where I’m going with it. It seems to want to be some sort of paranormal mystery thingy.

Also risked sending a 6100 word story to Jack Fisher, the editor of Flesh & Blood. That’s 100 words more than the max. stated in his guidelines, but I was upfront about the word count in my cover letter. And he did invite me to send more. Sent him that surreal Kurt Vonnegut-inspired piece that I’ve labeled my “weird” story. Man, I really want to break into F&B. It’s a great ‘zine and I keep feeling like I’m getting closer. And yet, I remain sans cigars.

I said I was jonesing, and I’ve just had my fix!

I just sold “The Life and Times of Penguin” to Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine. It’s slated for issue #17. I’m quite pleased. I’ve been trying to break into them for ages. Woohoo!

Makes up for the rejection I also got from Flesh & Blood although the editor was very encouraging and invited me to submit more.

Matthew’s re-caulking the shower in the master bath so we can’t use it for a day or so. Had to trudge upstairs to the guest bathroom to shower this morning, and there was much juggling of shampoo and other sundries en route. I’m also a little frightened at the idea of my hubby fiddling with caulk. I’ve got this image of coming home to find Matthew and Hobkin caulked together, stuck to the shower wall. Eep.

I appear to be on a writing roll. Polished up the Horror story and the two folk/fairy tales. All three are at first draft. Going to bundle up the two folk tales together when I send them up to Critters, as together they’re only around 3000 words.

I also started and completed another folk tale, around 2000 words, which bumps my record up to four completed stories in a week. Neat.

Now I’m starting to jones for another sale. *twitch*

Did another 1100 words on the Japanese Horror story, bringing it to zero draft. Also started and completed another folk tale–around 1600 words on that. That’s three stories in less than a week. Apparently I really was stewing too much on the whole novel thing. As soon as I decided to rattle off some shorts, my writing gear went into overdrive.

Writing in fits and starts, that’s me. I wish there were a way for me to maintain my highest level of productivity consistently.

Matthew first-readered the Japanese Horror piece. Shaved off 500 words in the rewrite. Up to Critters it goes. Except Matthew said it read more like a fairy tale, which isn’t that surprising as it’s a very traditionally-styled piece, but I’m not sure if I should label it “H” or “F” for the queue. It seems I run into that conundrum rather frequently. Humph.

Also, my Tangent review of the March 2003 issue of Oceans of the Mind is now open to the public. And I got a nice email from Chris Nakashima-Brown for my review of his story “Script-Doctoring the Apocalypse” in Infinite Matrix. Guess that means at least one person read it.

Rejections over the weekend:
“Nice writing but . . . ” from JJA at F&SF.
“Good stuff here but . . . ” from Strange Horizons.
“We won’t be publishing this but look forward to seeing more” from Glimmer Train.

Ouch.

In better news, I’ve just passed the 100-day mark on a fairy tale I sent to Cricket. In my experience, everything they’ve kept for consideration for over a hundred days, they’ve either bought, or requested a rewrite of and then bought. So my hopes are climbing.

Also, it’ll be exactly one year in a few days since I sent a sub to The Strand. Might be time to query them again.

I was going to write this AM. My tea is brewing in its pot, and my writing area is all set up and ready to go. But while I was checking my email, Hobkin came wandering out from under the hutch, asked to be picked up, and is now crashed out on my lap. The most current version of the story I’m working on isn’t on the computer we do email at, so I’m stuck. Sigh. Ergo, I’m updating LJ instead. Maybe by the time I’m done with this entry I’ll have the heart to move him . . . probably not.

Friday: Groundpig Day
Anyone who knows us knows we don’t celebrate Valentines Day. Instead we do “Groundpig Day” (which is not at all the same thing as Groundhog Day). It’s a floating holiday, usually occurring around Februaryish. We decided it was Friday. Matthew made stuffed mushrooms and his delectable eggplant Parmesan. There was wine and cherry cobbler for dessert, with candlelight and soothing music, much soaking in the hot tub, and we watched Chicago. Very relaxing and tres romantique!

Saturday: All about the writing
Hit flow. A lot. Between doing research for the Japanese horror story I’m writing and actually putting words on the page, I think I wrote for nearly ten straight hours. 4000 new words. Getting near the climax of the story. Unsure if I’ll be able to keep it under 6K, but that’s what rewriting is all about.

Also made a last minute decision not to go to the Fantasm Staff thingy as I was too deep in the writing. Gotta court the muse when she visits.

When I finally had to stop writing ’cause the words were blurring on the screen, we watched Men in Black II and the remake of Bedazzled with Brendan Frasier. Light, amusing fare, nothing too deep.

Today: more writing
As soon as I can get unpinned from under Hobkin, I want to pick up the Japanese horror story where I left off. I’m thinking I might be able to bring it to zero draft by the end of today. Unless I get derailed, which happens all too frequently. But still, good weekend overall, regardless.

Okay, must awaken skunk. But . . . but, he’s just so cute! Dammit.

Okay, I’m not a fan of snow and ice. The Midwest winters are one of the things I’m grateful not to have to experience anymore. But this morning driving to work was lovely. The air was warm and soft, yet there was a layer of beautiful white and crystalline ice over all the trees. It had that pristine, untouched look that only freshly fallen snow has.

I left Hobkin curled up under the covers when my alarm went off. Usually he wakes up when I’m in the shower and realizes that I’ve abandoned him then trots off in a huff under his hutch. But by the time I was putting on my coat and getting ready to leave, he was still soundly asleep. I left him and Matthew all tucked in under the covers. Awww.

Writing stats:

Back in the groove, more or less. Another 200 words on the fairy tale, and I’m at zero draft with it. Going to have Matthew first reader it, then decide whether or not I want to send it up to Critters, or wait until I’ve got another fairly short tale and bundle it together for review. It’s a bit on the short side.

Also started a Japanese horror story: 1000 words. When I first started, it was a fairly simple tale. But as I’m getting into it, it’s beginning to take on some deeper dimension. Hoping to keep it under 6K. We’ll see. Going to try to write a big chunk of it this weekend.

Also received the edits for “Razi and the Sunbird” from Cricket. Rah!

Realized I was getting thoroughly bogged down by the prospect of novel writing, to the jeopardy of doing any writing. So I brushed off my “projects” folder and pulled out something I’ve been thinking about writing, something light and easy, and started in.

It’s another fairy tale. My inventory of stuff waiting to go to the Carus group is now back to empty, so the damper holding back my “fairy tales!” muse-inklings has been lifted.

1500 words and very close to zero draft. Another day of writing should bring me to “the end.”

Yesterday was a wash on the writing front. I took myself off the Diclofenac. That whole throat closing, swelling digits thing was screaming “allergic reaction” to me. And already, my joints are beginning to ache again. My Rheumatologist agreed that I should stop taking the Diclofenac, but to replace it? “Take Tylenol,” he said. Sigh.

Also, in order to cleanse my system faster, I went off the caffeine cold turkey yesterday. Big mistake. I was doing okay, hurting but okay, until I got into the car to go home. But between going off the NSAID and the caffeine and the brief exposure to the outdoors, my head decided to explode. During the drive, if someone had suggested “Hey, I got this small plush bear, how ’bout I replace your brain with it?” I would have lunged at the chance. Pain was almost bad enough to reduce me to tears.

Soon as I got home, I downed two Excedrin, and then after dinner took a third. Since one of the main ingredients in Excedrin is caffeine, I started feeling much better right quick. Also noticed an interesting phenomenon: Hobkin is a source of endorphins for me. Not a big enough one to seriously combat a killer caffeine withdrawal headache, but noticeable. While I was whimpering on the couch, trying to hold my skull together, Hobkin hopped up to see what the matter was. I hugged him, and suddenly felt an ebbing of pain. Huh. I assume it’s due to the XX maternal instinct kicking in. Mothers defend and aid their young ones in the face of daunting disability and all that. But still, huh.

Today, I learned my lesson and had coffee with my breakfast. Time to wean myself off the caffeine teat again–wean being the key word, as cold turkey might just kill me if I try that one more time.

Writing status: I was in agony and then dazed from the aftereffects of pain. So, 0 new words. But I did watch the last episodes of The Littlest Groom and My Big, Fat, Annoying Fiancé. If my brain cells weren’t already sludge last night, they would have shrieked in protest.

Maybe someone did replace my brain with a stuffed toy after all . . .

But something I can do with a liquefied brain (and really tawdry reality shows on in the background) is research. So I clicked about online to learn about how children’s book publishing works. Up until now, I’ve only been looking at magazines as homes for my children’s works. The whole children’s book publishing world is an unexplored vista for my humble submissions. Theoretically.